<b>Chaos Division:</b> <I>Round 1 - Match 32</I> – (2)Samus Aran vs. (15)Lara Croft

<b>Moltar's Analysis</b>

<b>Samus</b>

Game/Series Known From: Metroid Series

Extrapolated Rank in 2002: 4th

Extrapolated Rank in 2003: 7th

Seed in 2002: 5

Seed in 2003: 2

Lost in Elite 8 to Sephiroth in 2002 and to Link in Elite 8 in 2003.

Our favorite Bounty Hunter is back and ready to own some more. Let's just hope for match pics without the suit this year. >_>

<b>Lara</b>

Game/Series Known From: Tomb Raider Series

Extrapolated Rank in 2002: 27th

Extrapolated Rank in 2003: 37rd

Seed in 2002: 1

Seed in 2003: 7

Lost in Sweet 16 to Crono in 2002 and to Max in Round 1 in 2003.

As Slowflake pointed out to me, Lara is not losing strength, but she isn't gaining any either. The only reason she is falling in the ranks are because new, stronger competion is coming in.

*Instead of a regular analysis on this match, I will do something special.*

*Setting: Dr. Weird's Laboratory*

Dr. Weird: GENTLEMEN, BEHOLD! My new invention!

*A metal door rises up revealing a 20 foot metal dinosaur.*

Dr. Weird: Now World Domination is mine! Quick, hand me the remote.

Steve the Assisstant: You made no remote, rememeber?

Dr. Weird: Oh yeah...

*The dinosaur breaks out of the lab and heads towards the city.*

*Intro*

*New Setting: Master Shake, Frylock and Meatwad's from the Aqua Teen Hunger Force house, in the living room.*

Meatwad: Hey Shake, pass me the remote.

Master Shake: Shut up! I'm trying to watch this great movie....Oh yeah.

Meatwad: I don't think you're supposed to be watching this.

*Frylock heads in.*

Frylock: Shake, what are you watching?

Master Shake: *quickly throws control at Meatwad* Um...I don't know ask Meatwad.

Meatwad: But I wasn't watching this...

Master Shake: Shut up and switch to the tournament you ball of crap!

*Meatwad switches the TV channel, and the TV is now fully zoomed in on your screen.*

Moltar: Welcome Ladies and Gentlemen, Fanboys and Fangirls, Nerds and Geeks everywhere, to the Summer Contest 2004 Tournament which is being held at the GameFAQs dome. It has been a great First Round so far and now we are at the Final Match, Samus Aran versus Lara Croft. Ladies, how are you two day.

Lara: I am doing fine, and I'll answer for the dumb blonde. She is doing great as well.

Samus: I can answer my own questions thank you very much. And I'm NOT dumb! Have you ever piloted your own spaceship?

Lara: ...So? Look at my boo-

Moltar: Ok ladies, enough of that. Let's get this star-

*Crono and Magus walk onto the ring*

Crono: ...

Moltar: Darn it Crono. Shut up! Can't you ever keep your mouth shut.

Crono: ...

Magus: Crono is right. Don't tell him to shut up, he can so beat you up.

Moltar: Why are you even here?

Magus: We are here for our match. Me vs. Crono.

Moltar: We aren't that far yet you blasted idiots!

Crono: ...

Magus: Yeah! Don't call us idiots!

*Gordon Freeman gets into the ring.*

Gordon: I demand a rematch. I must prove to the people I am not a loser!

Moltar: Gordon. Go home. No one likes you.

Gordon: NO! I'm staying here until I get a rematch. So nyah.

Moltar: Sigh

*Link and Ganondorf run by.*

Link: Tag! You're it!

Ganondorf: May you die a bloody and painful death from the edge of my sword. Fear the Pig Man.

Moltar: GET OUT OF HERE! I AM TRYING TO RUN A MATCH!

Crono: ...

Moltar: NO! It's not your match yet. God, you're stupider than Homer Simpson!

*The scene quickly switches to The Simpson house, where they are also watching the match on TV.*

Homer: Hey, I'm not stupid.

Bart: Yes you are.

Homer: Why you little...

*Homer begins strangling.*

Bart: Uh dad, I'm over here, you're strangling a Master Chief doll

Homer: Huh? Oh...Heh.

MC doll: It's Xbox's fault people hate me!

*Camera switches back to the GameFAQs dome and then an angry mob storms the ring.*

Moltar: What are you people doing here?!

Tommy Vercetti, the Mob Leader: I'm here to make you an offer you can't refuse. Tell us where the donuts are, and we'll give you 10% off on a Chicken sub at Subway.

Moltar: There are no donuts here...

Tommy: Why not? *pulls out shotgun*

Moltar: -_-' Because you touch yourself at night.

*Camera switches to the Griffin family room, where they are also watching the event.*

Peter: Oh my God! I said that! That's copyrighted material! We can sue!

*Peter runs out the door.*

Brian: He'll be back in a bit...

*Just then, Peter bursts back in.*

Peter: I realized as I walked out the door that I haven't had beer in the last 2 minutes.

*Peter runs into kitchen. Cameras cut back to the ring where Kirbys have invaded the ring.*

Moltar: Now what?

Kirby Number 435: We have come.....to take....your....Dental floss. I NEED SCIZORZ 61!

Moltar: *Slaps his forehead.*

Magus: Is it our match yet?

Moltar: NO! For the last time! IT IS NOT YOUR MATCH!

Lara: Yawn, I'm going shopping.

Moltar: No! Get back here! This is your match! Sigh.

Ulti: I predicted this would happen...

Moltar: QUIET YOU!

Bill Cosby: Oh Moltar with the yelling and the randomness and the tying in all caps and the *rambles off into untranslatable speak*.

CNet Manager: HA HA! Moltar, you've made me a rich man.

Moltar: What? This is my show. You don't own it.

CNet Manager: Correction, I didn't own it, until 2 seconds ago. Now it's mine.

Moltar: Uh...

CNet Manager: First, this match isn't happening in a ring. We need a change of layout!

Samus: No...that's unnessacary.

Cnet Manager: Who cares? My show, my rules! Now let's do this in Quicksand!

Magus: To the desert!

*Cue Batman transition scene except with a cactus in the background.*

*Lara and Samus stand in the sand near the quicksand, doing nothing.*

Cnet Manager: HA HA! They love it! I'm a genius!

*Cue transition scene again, except with the Dome in the back this time.*

Moltar: Sigh, will the madness ever end?

*The 20 foot dinosaur breaks into the Dome along with every other person/animal/creature/robot you can imagine.

Crono: ...

*The camera switches back to the ATHF's living room.*

Shake, Meatwad, and Frylock: O_O

Master Shake: You know....let's go to Carl's pool.

Frylock: Is he there?

Carl: *Coming from the TV* 'Ey Moltar, where are dem hookers you promised?

Master Shake: To the pool it is then.

*Back at the Dome, more randomness ensues.*

Peach: You think I'm fat Mario.

Mario: Shut up *****, or I'll pop a cap in yo' ass gangsta style. Can I get a whoop-whoop?

Yugi: If I believe in myself, I can do anything.

*Yugi jumps off the dome light and tries to fly, but fails and kills himself.*

Dinosaur: Got any 5's?

Robot Babies: Go fish.

Dinosaur: O_O KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! *Kills half the people there.*

Moltar: This is just too much. I need some Tylenol, then I'll get everything in control.

Ulti: I predicted that!

*Transition scene, only with Tylenol in the background.*

Moltar: Ok, everything is back in control. Now to begin the fight!

Samus: This is a fight, I thought it was a Hot Dog eating Contest. *Blows Lara's head off with a missle* All done.

Moltar, Magus, Crono, and Gary Coleman: O_O

Gary: Whatchu talkin' bout Samus?

Moltar: I guess we have a winner...

Crono: ...

Moltar: Now what?

*Crono performs a downward slice and makes a rip in time. Frog jumps out and "examines" Lara's body.*

Frog: Oh yes, hit that spot.

Everyone there: X_X;;;

Samus: Ewww.

Gary: I think Imma be sick ya'll.

Frog then grabs what's left of Lara's body and jumps back in the rip, which then closes.

Moltar: Uh, thanks for watching. Bye...

*The scene switches to Frog's land, which is just a green field.*

Frog: *mumbles something about a ceremony while dragging off Lara's carcass.*

THE END! * fake applause*

Dp:...What in the blue hell, was that?

Cena: I have no clue, but that was definitely not an Analysis.

Dp: Agreed....so, what to do now.

Cena: Let's go raid the Old Folks home and the Orphanage!

Dp: Sounds like fun.

Ulti: Oh yeah, I predicted that.

*Credits*

Yes, the power went out and I was bored as hell. Now onto Round 2, which is more fixed than a WWE match.

<b>Moltar's Bracket Says:</b> Samus will win.

<b>Moltar's Prediction is:</b> Samus 75% - Lara 25%

<b>Ulti's Analysis</b>

Lara has gone from a 1 seed to a 7 seed to not having a single game in the Spring contest to a 15 seed. How sad, and she has absolutely no chance against post-Metroid Prime Samus.

<b>Ulti's Bracket/Prediction</b> - Samus/Samus with 65.44%

<b>Cena's Analysis</b>

One again, I'm pissing myself. I'll need new jeans soon. Either way, Lara blows. Samus blows too, IMO, but not nearly as much. Samus will take this easily, but Angelina Jolie fans (such as myself) will vote Lara. Hey, shut up! This is my analysis, all mine!

<b>Cena's Vote:</b> Lara

<b>Cena's Prediction:</b> Samus with 84% (Angelina Jolie rules this much)